Last Monday was a Girl Date kinda Monday. You know the kind... you meet with a girlfriend and grab SBUX or cupcakes and chat, laugh and just catch up on life. I love Girl Dates! Girls, unlike guys... (of course not you Pat ;) ) always know the right things to say; it seems that they always have the sweetest wise words to make everything seem right in life again. It's like a girl code that we just knowwwww because we can all relate.
Sorry to get all lesbi on you guys but I love me some girls ok?!?!?
So.. on this particular Monday we did just that. Girl dates galore, I left one girl date on my way to another...(slutty... I know!) grabbed cupcakes with one beezy then skipped off to SBUX with a couple others!
Then, I finished off my Monday at the ultimate meat market ;)
A Woman's Event at church.
What did you think I was gonna say...? An Ellen DeGeneres show?
The Event was on
Freedom From Perfection and Performance
Now, when I heard about it I thought, "Well, I'mmmm not a perfectionist, BUT... I have this friend..."
Of course I'M not the perfectionist...
The truth is, I'd never thought of myself as a perfectionist because I'm lazy! I'll never forget how my endearing boss once referred to me "LAZY LIBRA!" ....oh how I miss her ;)
Maybe, I am not lazy compared to some REAL lazy folks, but in my mind I am lazy!
The house is rarely clean
Schoolwork almost always neglected
I do not consider myself organized (at least with my own crap)
I always loose stuff in my messy purse
I feel like I am ALWAYS behind on what needs to be done!
And, I tell myself this is because I'm LAZY, because that's how society would judge me.
I often feel guilty that I am not being productive enough because it seems our society has made it the norm that if you're not working 24/7 and stressed out you're not working hard enough!
I have too much free time
I spend too much time at home
I SHOULD be doing this instead
What am I DOING with my life?
Well, right now I am a wife (to a husband in Law school that works anytime the office is open and he's not in class so I could quit my job with my endearing boss(quote above), mother to furbaby(that barks at the most ridiculous things like the wind blowing and our reflection in the window...and I know she needs to go to obedience school but that's a whole other vent sesh!) and full time student (at UCSD where each class assigns around 80 pages to read each week and it feels like this quarter just started but we already have midterms bc quarters are only 10weeks long instead of the average 16!)
and let me tell you...that feels like PLENTY to me!
But, I don't want to make excuses... I know we are ALL busy
and I could squeeze in more.
But... would that be healthy?
Would that leave time for making my Husband dinner?
Curling up on the couch watching Modern Family with the Hubs?
Taking Carlita to the park?
Having dinners with friends?
Going on Girl dates?
If productive means giving up these things then I would GLADLY take lazy in societies eyes!
So, this is when I realized that I AM a perfectionist.
I am actually so much so a perfectionist that I even care what strangers in society think of my life!
I should only care what God thinks of my life and he knows I can't be perfect, that's not what he's asking of me!
The speaker Amie Sharp BeMent defined perfectionism as: The belief that a state of flawlessness can and should be contained. The she went deeper and explained the types of Perfectionist and how the perform.
People Pleaser: Unaware of what you want because you're constantly trying to keep everyone happy.
***Performance: At it's core performing is a way to hide
Co-Dependant: Excessively preoccupied with taking care of everyone else's needs
***Performance: Feeling needed feels good
Mask: Don't want people to see the real you
***Performance: Not comfortable in own skin, no opinions of own
Control: Micromanaging your life and the lives of others so it doesn't seem out of control.
***Performance: Looking like I have it all together
Fear of Failure: <--- Same
***Performance: Trying to be perfect so I don't disappoint anyone.
Rule Follower: Identity is wrapped up in being good and responsible.
***Performance: "I Shoulds"
Appearance: Using how I looks to make me feel complete and whole.
***Performance: Spending more time, energy, and money on my outer appearance than on the internal workings of my life.
Over-Achiever: Being the best at everything is what drives you.
***Performance: Living my life so others know I did everything I could to be the best.
Charity Church Mouse: Didn't get the exact def for this but, it's along the lines of Being very involved in Church
***Performance: Living a life of shoulds rather than living in the grace of God.
Parent of the Year: Identity is all wrapped up in your kids.
***Performance: Micromanaging your child's life so much so that they don't have a childhood.
Invisibility: The only way to be safe is to be unseen and unheard.
***Performance: Not allowing others to notice me for fear that they may not love or accept me.
Perfect Girl: Trying to be what Mr. Right wants
***Performance: Trying to be what someone else wants you to be.
I know I can Identify with several of these.
Before I went to this event I didn't even realize that they were examples of perfectionism, they've become so natural to me that I actually can't fathom me without them and letting them go is scary!
She left us with this verse
If you are interested in more her website is